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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27660794">and if my wishes came true (it would've been you)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/letusbebrave/pseuds/letusbebrave'>letusbebrave</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>invisible string [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Haunting of Bly Manor (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Canon Compliant, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Mentions of Death, Oh My God, Soulmarks, Soulmates, They were soulmates, and they're beautiful okay, they chose to love each other</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 22:01:49</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>14,163</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27660794</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/letusbebrave/pseuds/letusbebrave</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“You thought of me.” </p><p>The words are thick with emotion and Dani found herself tearing up at the words herself. “Of course, I thought of you all the time.”</p><p>aka a soulmate!au</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Dani Clayton &amp; Edmund O'Mara(mentioned), Dani Clayton/Jamie, Hannah Grose/Owen Sharma</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>invisible string [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2028643</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>34</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>270</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>and if my wishes came true (it would've been you)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>au where when you touch someone for the first time, you get a pattern of colors. plus you can feel some pain from your soulmate</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Some people never get a soulmark,”</span>
  </em>
  <span> Eddie had rationalized when he proposed to her. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>But I chose you, Danielle.”</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Dani wished desperately that had been enough for her, but it wasn’t. She knew even without getting the chance to meet her soulmate, Eddie couldn’t be it for her. She would never be able to love him like that. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sometimes it took longer, people had told them growing up. Their mothers had pushed them together because Eddie had been Dani’s first real friend. He was the person she grew up with and a best friend when she was young. Her mom wanted little to do with her, so it was easy for her to push them towards each other. It made it easier for her mom. It wasn’t until they became teenagers that things had gotten more serious. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dani had never had a chance to explore anything else. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dani never felt anything when Eddie got hurt. He’d convince her that </span>
  <em>
    <span>he</span>
  </em>
  <span> felt something when she was hurt. (</span>
  <em>
    <span>But she knew he hadn’t. In the depth of her own soul, she knew he wasn’t it for her.)</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>And she would have been able to reason it away if she had never felt hurt from her soulmate. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Except she had. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She was ten when she felt as if she may die. She had screamed and screamed and screamed. Her mother had tried everything in her power to get her to stop, but she sobbed and pulled at her shoulder. Hot terrible pain seized from within her body. Nothing in her life had prepared her for feeling that sort of pain. Perhaps her mother was too blinded by the anger or sadness to explain to Dani what had happened. For days after that night, she would reach back towards her shoulder, expecting to find some sort of injury, only to find her own unbroken skin. There was a residual ache in her shoulder that hadn’t left, sometimes it would feel like her skin was ripping, but not in the intense pain as the first night. But the pain came with incredible </span>
  <em>
    <span>guilt</span>
  </em>
  <span> that arose in her. Guilt for something she didn’t know. Guilt that almost outdid the pain she had been in.  It wasn’t until she heard from other kids that you could sometimes </span>
  <em>
    <span>feel</span>
  </em>
  <span> what your soulmate felt that she knew. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She had a soulmate. A real soulmate. Terror and excitement had been the two dueling emotions that she had been struck with. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The next major time was when she was twelve and disgust pooled in her veins. Whatever had happened to her soulmate was terrible. It was terrible and Dani had vomited because of it. For the first time, she wished she could reach through and give her soulmate some sort of comfort. She wished that anything she did would bring comfort to her, them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Most of the time it was something normal. Dani would feel a tinge in an arm or leg and just brush it off. It was only the bad stuff that she could feel in her bones.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Dani was fifteen, her soulmate got into a fight. The first time she felt something knock into her face and blood pooled to her jaw. She had cried as she felt blows to her arms and face. As if it wasn’t bad enough, she had felt a boot into her back and nearly fell from the force. Teeth grinded together as she tried to remind herself that </span>
  <em>
    <span>she</span>
  </em>
  <span> wasn’t being hurt. It was her soulmate. Thinking that way had never helped before, because it was </span>
  <em>
    <span>them</span>
  </em>
  <span> that was being hurt. The person who they hadn’t met, but felt like they knew. Felt like they were there with them through the thick and thin. Dani would close her eyes and picture </span>
  <em>
    <span>her, </span>
  </em>
  <span>no them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Pain felt almost like a constant for a few weeks. She had no idea what her soulmate was getting into, but she felt bruised and ached when she would do something even as simple as preparing herself supper. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>After those few weeks, it went back to somewhat normal. She’d feel pings in her fingers more often, sometimes scratches on her forearms. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once it had slowed, it was easier to pretend. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Easier to pretend that someday Eddie would be her soulmate. Easier to pretend that what she had felt wasn’t real. That it had just been a figment of her imagination. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shouldn’t speak ill of the dead, let alone </span>
  <em>
    <span>think</span>
  </em>
  <span> this way. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But she does. Black hadn’t been drawn in patterns on her when Eddie had died. She had no swirls of color to drain to black when he had been hit. She hadn’t felt anything other than shock when it happened. Hearing people talk about their soulmates dying was described as feeling death yourself. It was no wonder why suicide rates were much higher in the population who had met their soulmates than otherwise. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>How could you have something that powerful and then learn to live without it?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Forever she would be ashamed of the relief that had flooded her. Relief that she wouldn’t have to keep pretending or explain that he would never be her soulmate. (Because he wasn’t what she pictured, not in the slightest)</span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>London was a good choice she decided before she left. There had been other options in the States, but even there, it felt too close. The sadness and guilt would pull at her if she stayed here. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>So, she settled on going to London and left. Told her mother the bare minimum and just left her life behind. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dani had a bit of money saved up, so she wasn’t worried how she would afford the trip. The first night, she used her saved up money for a nice hotel. She knew it wouldn’t be for a long time, but it was nice to have a soft place to land, even for just a night. No one on the plane had bothered her. Luckily the person next to her had headphones on for the entire trip. It allowed her to look out her window to the sky below. She had never flown before. Being that high in the sky must have scared people, but for Dani it felt like freedom. She was free of the ties that bound her to Iowa. Now she was being whisked away, like in some fairytale she read as a child. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But instead of a prince riding to save her, Dani was doing the job herself. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Being selfish for once in her life. And it felt oh so good.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>London was an interesting city and Dani spent the first few weeks just wandering around to find things to do and see. Museums of all kinds were her favorites. She could spend entire days at a single museum. There was always something to discover, always something new to learn. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The art museum took her a few days to get completely through. The art was spectacular and Dani would stare at art pieces in an easy silence. Paintings that had been painted years ago that still showed a soulmark. One of her favorites was a portrait of a woman. Her soulmark wasn’t in the typical space of the hand or even arm. Her mark was pressed to her lips, swirls of color being pulled to her cheek. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dani’s fingers had lingered on her own face as she saw the mark. What a life to have such a mark. Nothing could be able to hide that mark. There was a sinking feeling in her gut when she thought of blackness overtaking the color. Losing someone was hard enough, what would it be like to have grief spilled out on your face? A life that Dani didn’t know if she could manage. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She made a home at the hostel she was staying at. There were people who would come and go, but she was the steadfast thing in that place. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was only after 4 months that she realized she needed a job; she needed something to do. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>As distracting being a tourist was, it wasn’t enough. The shame had risen back in her throat. The time gone didn’t seem to affect the standing of her ghost following her around. She’d look in the mirror and there he was, glasses filled with the brightness of headlights. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He loomed larger than he had in real life. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It scared her. No matter if she anticipated seeing him, her breath would always stop in her throat when he appeared in the mirror or window or reflection. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>A job was the next big choice Dani made. There had been an ad in the newspaper that always intrigued her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was for a job that sounded perfect. Being an au pair seemed too posh for her liking, but she knew she could help two kids. She could do that. Going to the countryside and taking care of children was something she could handle. Hopefully it would help drown out the ghost following her. </span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>Owen wore his mark proudly against his forearm. She could see the diluted swirls that looped from his hand upwards. It was the first thing she noticed when she met him. She’s never seen colors like that before. Usually the colors are bright and seem to glow. His mark faded as it inched up his wrist. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Colors were only ever bright or black, this in between made her pause. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But then he was helping her into the car and any thought left her mind.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bly was more beautiful than she could have imagined. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Taking the walk up she had been able to see almost the entire estate. There was nothing like this in Iowa or the states. She felt as if she had been dragged into an eighteenth century novel. One that contained romantic prose and images. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Land went on and on. She had snuck into the gardens to look at the rows of flowers and shrubs that were immaculate. She had never been drawn to a garden before. Usually, the house would have been the first thing she would have been drawn to. But now? The garden seemed to mean more than the house beyond it. Dani knew there was a groundskeeper around, but nobody matching the description was around. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>More beauty lied in the property than did in her entire state it seemed like. Iowa held no candle to here. Dani knew she could get lost in the open arms of the manor. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her hands stayed pushing forward her backpack on her shoulders as she continued her pace up to the house. Perhaps she should have left it in the car with Owen, but she hadn’t really been thinking as she stepped out of the car and onto the driveway. Flora was the first child that she met. A curious meeting really, but Dani was able to quickly overlook the comment about the pond that seemed so looming and large. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ms. Grose was the next person for her to meet.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hannah’s mark wrapped around her hand that she offered to Dani when they first met. Beautiful colors that traced a pattern up her arm. Dani had never gotten the chance to seriously look at one. Her mother didn’t have one and she had been too scared to ask Judy to see hers. Perhaps she was being rude, but she kept a grip on Hannah’s hand for a few moments longer than needed.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hannah didn’t seem to mind. Instead she spoke on how excited they were to have her there. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The kids were odd. They felt older than they looked. Dani turned it up to grief and how hard it was to grow up too quickly. She had been odd once as well. Once her father had died, everything was different. She went from a kid to an adult without any notice. She wasn’t so different from Miles and Flora. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dani thought she’d like to never leave Bly as Flora gave the tour. This big beautiful house just screamed to be explored. Dani knew there would be places hidden within the walls that hadn’t been touched in maybe decades. Exploring had to be done. There was no sense of dread or even hollowness to the halls. Just with the few that lived here, it felt like the house was filled. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The first day flew by in a blur. There was so much to see and get sorted. Her room was so large that Dani didn’t know what to do with half of it. After living in the hostel for months, she felt absolutely spoiled. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The house ached to be explored, so explore she did. Nothing frightened her, sans the tea pot’s scream. Instead, she had taken a moment to feel in that very big, inviting house. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was the next day that she got to work and began to make plans for the children. Teaching was one of her strongest qualities. It was in the way that she bent over to speak at Flora’s eye level. Little things that Dani just knew to do. Lessons were easy enough to get going. She knew that she would be able to teach these two, they were incredibly smart as it was. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It wasn’t until lunch that she felt the world had been rocked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When the gardener came into the kitchen, it seemed like the world slowed down. She hadn’t made eye contact with her, but Dani stared anyway. The gardener was covered up besides her hands. No way to tell if she had a soulmark etched into her arms, but she knew that none came from her hands. “So who decided it was a good idea to feed these wee gremlins?” </span>
  <em>
    <span>God</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Dani didn’t know if she was sitting still because all she could think was that they had met before. A comfort had come over her as soon as she had walked into the room. Even though she wished to just stare at her all day, Dani managed to shake herself out of the trance and looked back to her food in front of her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re not gremlins. We’re very good children.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, is that right? See I’m not so sure. Owen what do you think?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, it's hard to say. We’re gonna have to get water on them to be sure.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Like this,” the gardener said as she flicked water over the children. Then she laughed and it was like Dani’s world has completely changed after hearing it. Even though the gardener had spared her only the briefest of glances, Dani wanted so much more. Even as she told them about the man on the parapet, the gardener barely looked at her. Instead, she made comments and looked back to her food. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Did she feel the same knowing feeling as she had? Did the gardener feel the same sense of home when she had seen Dani?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was so much she wanted to learn about her. Dani wanted to learn everything.</span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>Days passed before she had a chance to talk with the gardener, no </span>
  <em>
    <span>Jamie</span>
  </em>
  <span> again after Jamie’s kind words during her panic attack. She had been so kind and made her laugh past the panic that had seized in her chest. Although Jamie had just assumed it was because of the kids, it was because of Eddie. Seeing Flora in his glasses had brought up trauma she hadn’t even thought about. Because she remembered putting on the glasses when she was Flora’s age. She remembered putting the glasses on a few times as they grew up. When she was a kid, it was a fun thing to do, trying to see through the glasses. As she grew up, there was some comfort of having something so stable in her life. She loved Eddie, she truly had, but not in the way she deserved to love. Jamie’s words had been able to bring her down for the cliff of despair that arose within her. After that, she had seen her after Miles had cut up her garden, but they hadn’t spoken since. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But that didn’t mean Dani hadn’t seen her. It seemed like everywhere she went she caught a glimpse of her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jamie seemed to be constantly covered up. She had only seen her hands once during the first time they had met. Otherwise, she always seemed to have those damn gloves and long sleeved flannel on over any outfit. Gardening was a dirty sort of job, but even at the table and during their talks, Jamie hadn’t taken off the overshirt. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dani ached to be able to see Jamie’s skin. To see if there was a mark she was hiding, to see if there </span>
  <em>
    <span>wasn’t</span>
  </em>
  <span> a mark on her skin. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She was lost in the gravity of Jamie before she even had a chance to escape. She was pulled closer to her every time they were together. And it still wasn’t close enough. Jamie must feel this way, she begged to anyone listening. She has to be feeling this way, because Dani noticed when Jamie’s eyes tilt down to her lips when they’ve been talking or after she’s brought her snacks while she’s working. The only times she’s been touched by Jamie have been with gloves on. Gloves that keep her from the inevitable conclusion of the two of them together. (</span>
  <em>
    <span>She knew in her soul that she was right.)</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>And just like gravity, Dani allowed herself to be pulled to Jamie. The greenhouse was quiet besides a hum of a fan when she entered. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I, uh, I brought you some lunch,” Dani said as she moved the tray of food out in her hands towards Jamie. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jamie looked at her sceptically before motioning with her head for Dani to take a seat. “Thanks,” she replied as she reached out, taking the tray out of Dani’s hands. Dani’s fingers lingered just to have a feel of Jamie’s warm covered fingers. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The kids run you ragged again?” Jamie asked and Dani puffs out a laugh. Her eyes flickered from the ground to Jamie before back to the floor. When Jamie looked at her, Dani felt naked for some reason. No one else had made her feel this way. She felt bare in front of her. But it wasn’t as scary as Dani would have thought. It felt… natural. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, I mean </span>
  <em>
    <span>yeah</span>
  </em>
  <span>, they’re a lot. But I thought you’d like something to eat. You didn’t, you didn’t come in like normal.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maybe she rambled a little bit, but Jamie didn’t seem to mind, instead when she looked back at Jamie there was a smug little smile on her face and </span>
  <em>
    <span>oh</span>
  </em>
  <span>, she wanted to kiss it off her face so badly. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her cheeks blushed at the thought alone. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not one of the kids you need to manage, Poppins,” Jamie teased and the blush didn’t go away. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, I know that.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How’s Bly treatin’ you?” Jamie finally asked and Dani’s hands tightened in her own grasp in excitement of being able to talk to Jamie. Truly talk with her. Not about the kids or the garden, but just between the two of them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, it’s beautiful. Nothing like it where I’m from.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where’s that at?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Iowa, its where we, I mean, I grew up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who’s the we, Poppins?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And she realized that she’s been talking for two for a long time. It had always been her and Eddie. Everything that should have been an I had become a we. She hadn’t gotten used to using it enough. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Me and my uh, fiance, really.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fiance?” Jamie asked, her eyes were stuck to her and Dani blushed under the pressure. “Lucky fella.”</span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>It’s after looking for Peter Quint that Dani got to speak to Jamie alone again. Their time outside had been a focused effort of trying to scare off someone that scared Dani. She didn’t know enough about him to be scared, but she was. Everyone else seemed to despise the man as well. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They look like Bonnie and Clyde.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, if Clyde fucked Bonnie over. He got away, she paid the price.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So were they not soulmates?” Dani asked because there's an intense need to know. To see if this type of love would be soulmates. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She marked him, but he didn’t mark her. She forced herself, well maybe he forced her into believing that it would show up one day. Not with them though. The wrong kind of love can fuck you up, follow ya, make you do some really stupid shit, even after death; even if his mark went black. Denial is a real kick,” she sighed and Dani just continued to stare at her. “And those two, believe me that was the wrong kind of love, soulmate, whatever the fuck it was.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’ve all been in the wrong kind of love for one reason or another.” Dani whispered. The love between her and Eddie had been wrong. He had tried to desperately put himself into her life, but after so long, she hadn’t let him. Once she realized that he would never have a mark on her body or the love in her heart, she had to end things. Revolusion had risen in her stomach when she had thought about marrying him. Getting closer to the wedding, she hadn’t been able to sleep, racked with disgust and anger at herself for not saying no earlier. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But I saw how he twisted himself into her, buried deep. Tried to force her into bearing his mark…” Jamie’s voice was soft but full of disgust as well. “And no wonder why so many people mix up love and possession. But guess what that means? He didn’t just trap her, he trapped himself. And I hope she haunts that fucker forever.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jamie’s face is beautiful in the dim lit room. Dani can’t seem to drag her eyes away from her for too long, aching to see Jamie. Or maybe aching to be seen by Jamie. There is such power behind the words Jamie has said; Dani knew that she believed everything she said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Love and possession. They weren’t compatible. No, they weren’t.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“People do, don’t they? Mix up love and possession.” Jamie’s head is tilted towards her, holding that cup of tea close to her chest. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah they do.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t think that should be possible,” Dani whispered. Even speaking at a normal level felt too loud. Instead she whispered the words to Jamie, knowing that she could hear every word she said. “I mean, they’re opposites really. Love and ownership.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ownership could never be seen as love. Someone didn’t keep their loved one locked up with them. No, love encapsulated freedom. It was a choice, something that you willingly put yourself into. Dani knew that it wasn’t the same. Love was a meeting of two people that were equals. It couldn’t be forced. She knew. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jamie’s gaze on her was concentrated, like she is being seen in a way she hasn’t been before. A small blush had arisen on her chest and cheeks as she talked. Hannah interrupted the silence that had formed between the two of them. The interruption came before she could do something stupid, like reach over and grab Jamie’s hand. Trust was building between the two of them and Dani wouldn’t break that. Not when she knew what it meant.</span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>Dani was tired. She had been tired for so long, but something about being around Jamie didn’t make it feel so heavy in her bones. Eddie hung heavy in her chest after Owen’s mother died. His ghost hadn’t left, instead she was seeing him in other places. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>That wasn’t part of the deal. She didn’t get to be haunted by him outside of mirrors. Fear had arisen in her just turning around now. The fear that he would be standing, staring at her. It terrified her. Sharing time around the bonfire with Owen and Hannah seemed like too big of a challenge to share. There was so much and she didn’t think she could tell them. Even if she wanted to. Perhaps she wasn’t brave enough. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not gonna ask if you’re alright, cause I don’t like being lied to. So what’s wrong?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dani knew that her silence had meant something. She couldn’t speak out there, with Owen and Hannah listening. It was all too much. Guilt laid heavy on her. But with Jamie? She felt like she could be brave. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Thought I saw Peter Quint.” Dani began. She couldn’t look at Jamie, not yet. Instead, she picked a place in the greenhouse to watch. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But it wasn’t.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No of course not. It’s not the first time I’ve seen things that aren’t there.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her voice shuttered at the end of the sentence because it seemed still so looming to tell Jamie. Because it made her look crazy. Someone that Jamie shouldn’t have to deal with. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So what else?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And Dani wasn't sure if she could say it. She was staring out still into the darkness when she tried, but she couldn’t get the words to come out of her mouth properly. “Well, I..” she tried, but the words seemed so hard to speak. Then she looked at Jamie and it seemed a bit easier, like she was willing to share the burden. “Well I guess I told you about my fiance, earlier, didn’t I?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh you did. Yeah, I was hoping we’d get round to that one.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, we were engaged and he died. He died and I, I sometimes, it’s like…” And the words seem so hard to press out, but she knew she’d feel better after saying them. She knew that it would only help burn away the shadows. “I see him.” She looked over to see if Jamie thinks she’s crazy or making it up, but she doesn’t find judgment, only Jamie staring and </span>
  <em>
    <span>listening</span>
  </em>
  <span> to her. “I’ve never told anybody that.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m so, so sorry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But Dani didn’t want Jamie to be sorry, because it wasn’t like that. She bore no mark on her and he no mark on him when he died. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We weren’t, you know, we didn’t have each other’s marks. And uh, we were about to break up. We uh, I’d broken, we had broken up. I had broken up I guess. Right before.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And she looks directly at Jamie “Right, right before,” she enunciated to make sure Jamie knew. That it wasn’t longing for a boyfriend who had died years after the relationship ended. No, she wanted Jamie to know that it was fresh and hard. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jesus, Dani, the same day?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She just nodded with a quiet yeah. Not really able to think of what more to say in the moment. Regardless of what happened after, there was a weight that felt lifted off her chest. Jamie was the first person she told the story to about what had happened that night. Nobody else knew that they had broken up. And it had been easier that way. She hadn’t wanted to come out to Eddie’s family, not after Eddie had yanked himself out of her grasp when she told him. She was terrified of losing the only resemblance of a family that she had left. So she lied by omission, an easy lie to keep the only thing stable in her life going. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is he here now?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The question is genuine and Dani responded in such. She looked around the greenhouse, scared that she may find him lingering in the shadows. But she found nothing. At this moment, he hadn’t shown up. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No,”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good, cause you know, I’ll sort him out for you if I have to. Oye, dead boyfriend, give it up mate, it’s over.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dani looked at Jamie like she had hung the star and the moon in the sky. She couldn’t imagine anything more Jamie than that. Always making her smile at the hardest of moments. Relief rushed over her because Jamie didn’t think she was crazy. She had listened and believed her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dani had never been believed before. It always seemed like someone else creating the narrative for her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Seriously Poppins, how are you still standing?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think I’m crazy.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think you’re surprisingly sane considering.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maybe she was crazy because there was nothing in the world that mattered more than getting to kiss Jamie. So she pushed forward and Jamie pulled back. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Poppins,” Jamie said and Dani wished she could explain away what she was going to do. Because Dani knew that Jamie always wore long sleeves and gloves for a reason. A reason that may be ruined if Dani touched her. And as much as Dani wanted, maybe Jamie didn’t. And there wasn’t anything she was going to do that would ruin them. Maybe luck had it’s way of saving the day, because as soon as she looked back towards Jamie, she saw him and gasped. She shook herself away from Jamie on the bench. Why had she seen him? He never showed up when she was with someone else. This was supposed to be safe. Jamie was supposed to be safe. How dare he.. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know what to say.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright, just forget about it. It’s my fault. I’m sorry.” Jamie said as she drew up her coat again and pulled away from the hand that Dani tried to grab at her. Because it wasn’t her fault. No, it had been Dani’s ghost that followed that had ruined the moment. “I just-- you were just telling me you weren’t up for this.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dani wants to beg into the night for Jamie to believe that that wasn’t true. Because it wasn’t. She wanted this more than she had ever wanted anything in her life. “Jamie,” she strained out, trying to reach to her coat to tug Jamie back into the moment, but Jamie shook her off and stood up. Dani wished that Jamie would stay because maybe she’d be able to explain, but the words don’t seem to be forming in her mind. Of course Jamie would apologize for something she hadn’t done wrong. And Dani wanted to reassure her that it wasn’t her. Never her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Another night maybe. Another time maybe.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But Dani had been telling herself another night for so many nights. She had pushed this desire and want aside so many times. It didn’t seem fair that she wasn’t able to have this because of him as well. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even as she followed Jamie to the bonfire and then watched her leave, an anger rose up in her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>How dare he? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She tried to drink it away with another bottle of wine, but then the kids were up and she had to get Flora milk. She knew she was drunk, but tried to be as attentive as she could, but in the back of her mind was anger. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>By the time she ended up back at the bonfire, she knew one thing to be true.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her life was not his to ruin. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He held no power over her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Not from here on out. </span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>Hannah was the one she finally talked about it with. Jamie had been gone for two days and Dani ached with missing her. After their near kiss, things had been different. The days without Jamie around seemed to last for years. The kids kept her busy, especially Flora, but at night or when there was a moment of peace, all Dani could think about was Jamie. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Can I.. Can I ask about your mark?” She finally gained the confidence to ask as they sat outside one evening. Owen hadn’t been back at the house since the night of the funeral. Other than that, they had fended for themselves. Or rather, Hannah had fended for them. Dani’s attempt in the kitchen didn’t instill any confidence in her cooking ability. “I just, I mean, that was rude.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, of course,” Hannah calmed her down with a touch on the arm. Dani took a deep breath and let herself relax again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Go ahead and touch it,” she remarked holding out her hand for Dani to see. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Skin felt the same around the mark as over it. Only thing left was the colors that were permanently inked, no trace of anything different. “Wow,” she remarked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It was quite a fright when it happened,” Hannah told her as Dani pulled her hand back from Hannah’s hand. Dani shifted in her chair to be able to face Hannah more directly as she spoke. “I thought I was just meeting some boy who had come to get a job. Then I shook his hand. It hadn’t happened right away, mind you. It felt like a dull itch for a few days where I swore I had gone crazy thinking there was color coming from my wrist.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Owen’s arm was a different story, he already had the bright colors the next time I saw him. Didn’t put two and two together until my own mark finally showed up.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dani knew about that type of marking as well. It had been something Eddie had hoped for. Sometimes the mark grew as the relationship grew. People were open to different expressions and the ones who didn’t want a mark took longer for it to show up. People who were open, the mark showed up almost instantaneously. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you.. Did you know?” Dani asked, not quite sure she asked the question correctly. But she wanted to know. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, you should ask Owen for that answer. He’ll swear up and down that he knew the moment he saw me. Just so impractical really.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How, how does it feel?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh gosh, really should ask Owen for more prose than I can provide,” Hannah teased, her hand going to press against her own neck, a habit that Dani had noticed before. “It wasn’t quite as exciting as they write about, at least not for me. When it came about on my skin, it felt.. Well it felt a bit like home. Something to hold and keep with me, I suppose.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And Hannah’s eyes are glazed over as she speaks, looking into the distance beyond Dani’s head. The words send shivers down her spine and goosebumps rise on her arms. Because that’s how she feels around Jamie. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She begged, </span>
  <em>
    <span>let me be right</span>
  </em>
  <span>, </span>
  <em>
    <span>let me be right about this.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>The night had been long and Dani wasn’t convinced that Owen and Hannah weren’t waiting for her to crack. She was after all so very tired. Flora was finally asleep and Miles had been quieter than usual. Perhaps worried over his sister’s wellbeing. Dani was worried as well. Worry had overtaken her thoughts about the children. Something was wrong. She knew that much, but couldn’t pin down </span>
  <em>
    <span>what</span>
  </em>
  <span> was wrong. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dani was so tired, her dreams had been similar all week, like she was falling with nothing to grab onto. Falling into a depth that terrified her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She was joking with Hannah and Owen when she heard footsteps to the left of her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But as soon as Jamie entered the room, any idea of tiredness slipped away. All she could feel was relief of seeing Jamie there. They had left so much unsaid and untalked. The almost moment they had shared a few nights ago had hung over her head for days.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her weak argument against going with her wasn’t listened to and Dani knew the kids were in good hands with both Owen and Hannah. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jamie’s covered fingers came from beneath her palm to grab her hand and Dani wished for skin contact perhaps more than she ever had. But she would take anything she gets from Jamie. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The walk through the forest was quiet, their hands had only been linked for the first bit, now Jamie held onto a flashlight and walked a few paces ahead of her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where, uh, where are we going? Are you taking me out here to kill me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jamie’s quirk response came out as they talked on their way to wherever Jamie was taking them. It wasn’t until her flashlight lit up a flower that Dani’s attention was drawn away from Jamie towards something else.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wow, that’s beautiful. You planted that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah. it’s a moonflower. Bloody hard to grow in England.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, but worth it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Isn’t it?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jamie was talking and Dani’s attention was drawn away from the flowers to watch her for a moment before she turned back to look at the flowers: beautiful white flowers that look to be too perfect to be real. She listened as Jamie talked about the flower, about how it only blooms once. That it was so fragile that it would die by morning. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was sadness in that. Flowers that bloom only once just to die within the same day. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s a lot of work for a flower that only blooms once.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s what people feel like to me. Exhaustive effort, very little to show for it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“All of them?” Dani hoped that Jamie wouldn’t say that everyone was just an exhaustive effort. Instead, Jamie does.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“All of them. Even you. Even me. Especially me. So I figured, I’d save you some effort. Skip to the end, take a shot. Why not? So here it goes, okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dani noded and listened. Listening was something she could do. Listening took effort that could be spent thinking and allowing someone else to take up the spot that thinking did for you. To truly listen was to open yourself up and live in the moment when someone is speaking. Dani knew she could do that. Anything Jamie wanted to tell her she could listen. As long as it was coming from Jamie, she’d listen for hours. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jamie’s story wasn’t easy. It comes out of her mouth harshly at first. Her gaze is off into the woods and Dani just watched her. Noise from the forest surrounded them and let Jamie’s voice echo off into the noise, louder than any rustling of leaves or branches in the wind. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Louise found some bloke that’s arm lit up when she touched him and forgot all about us kids. Just up and left. And I come home from school to find Mickey, alone. Screaming his little head off. He’s still a baby and he doesn’t understand what he’s done wrong, doesn’t know Louise has found a new family to look after. I try to take care of him. I’m just a kid. Kids can’t raise kids. I forget things, like watching over a pot when it boils. So one day there’s an accident, social services get involved and we’re split up. Dad did his best, he’s spent so long underground he didn’t know what to do with a kid, let alone three kids. So he disappeared into the dirt, then there's foster care. Just a bunch of stale, perverted men and bitter wives looking to make a few quid by taking care of the local trash. Left for London pretty soon after that. Got myself into all sorts of trouble there. Wound up serving a couple years. And it’s there I start gardening. Busy work for idle hands, but I fucking love it. Love it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dani's heart squeezed hard, painfully in her chest at the story, because it makes sense now. The burning she had felt as a child, the intense disgust, the pains of a fight. Everything clicked as she listened to Jamie talk. And her heart was in her throat because this was it; Jamie was it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And it’s so clear how people aren’t worth it. But plants. You pour your love and your effort into them and you see where it goes. You watch them grow and it all makes sense.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So yeah, everyone is exhaustive. Even the best ones. And I wear these stupid gloves because of it. When I was a kid, I didn’t feel anything and I didn’t have anyone that could see me, not really. So I wear the gloves and the shirts because everyone is exhaustive and not worth it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dani’s heart was still in her throat, tears threatening to fall from her eyes. Where did that leave her, leave </span>
  <em>
    <span>them</span>
  </em>
  <span>? Jamie hadn’t stopped talking though and Dani won’t interrupt her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sometimes, once in a blue goddamn moon I guess, someone, like this moonflower, might be worth the effort.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And Dani realized that she’s talking about </span>
  <em>
    <span>her</span>
  </em>
  <span>. She doesn’t know if she can even try to speak, so she stayed quiet, her eyes still locked desperately on Jamie’s face. Jamie was talking about </span>
  <em>
    <span>her</span>
  </em>
  <span> and she’s taken off her gloves. She took off her gloves and it meant the world.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Look, I know you’re struggling, can see it. I know you’re carrying this guilt around, but I also know, that you don’t decide who lives and who doesn’t. I’m sorry, Dani, but you don’t. Humans are organic. It's a fact, we’re meant to die. It’s natural, beautiful.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jamie has faced her to talk to her. This direct contact had her arched to get off the branch she had sat on. She was ready to stand up at any moment, because she was completely wrapped up in Jamie. Jamie who was so kind that she took her here to explain in her way that Dani didn’t have to control the world. That Dani didn’t have to carry around the guilt. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And it all breaks down and rises back up. And breaks down again, and every living thing grows out of every dying thing. We leave more life behind us to take our place. That life refreshes and recycles and on and on it goes. And that’s so much better than that life getting crushed deep down into the dirt. Into a rock that will burn if it’s old enough. So much better to see the leafling, the flower. We leave more life behind to take our place. Like this moonflower. It’s where all its beauty lies, you know, in the mortality of the thing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She never has been seen like this before. Even if a mark doesn’t show up, Dani knew she had to touch her. Because even without a mark, Jamie’s gravity was so strong. Gravity that pulled her closer and near. Tugged at her heart like a light in the darkness. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jamie, who had just opened herself up to Dani, who had made Dani feel more seen than in years, just stared and looked at her. She waited, but Dani was done waiting. She’s done being scared, because Jamie was right. Life refreshes and goes on and on. Life that will come before the two of them and life that will happen after the two of them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And she’s so grateful. So grateful that she’s alive when Jamie’s alive. Grateful that she shares in the same space and time. Nothing else seems to matter other than that. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She doesn’t think where she first touched Jamie, just that she needed to be touching her. She needed to keep touching her. Her jaw and her lips and the feel of their bodies pressed against one another. That feeling is everything that she had been aching for. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Now she knew what the poets wrote about. She knew why the writers write love songs, for moments like this. Moments where the only thing that matters was the person in front of you. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She pulled back, just to rest her forehead on Jamie’s, taking a breath in and out. Washing away any of the pent up anxiety or fear. She just sighs it all out and pressed herself back into the kiss. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They are back inside by the time she sees that her mark had been left on Jamie’s skin. The room was dim, but the colors seemed to be ultraviolet, more beautiful than she’s ever seen before. Colors didn’t seem to have meaning before this. Now everything would be compared to this. The green and white and red and every color she can think of have twirled themselves up from Jamie’s neck to her jaw. Dani doesn’t want to stop looking at it because it makes it real. More real than having Jamie’s mark on herself. Colors dance across the skin that twirls itself into a shape that resembles some sort of flower. Her new favorite flower. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I, uh, I’m sorry it’s..” she whispered as Jamie peaks over Dani’s shoulder to stare into the mirror. One of her hands left Dani’s body and Dani wanted to grab it back. How dare they be separated, even for something so simple. Her hand reached up to touch her jaw where the colors have etched into her skin. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>There aren’t soulmarks like this typically. Mostly they consist of arms or hands. This one is pressed against Jamie’s face. Dani’s nerves were a little raw and she worried if Jamie would mind having it marked for all to see. She’s been covered for so long, for something that didn’t actually keep out the mark. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Time passed slowly as Jamie stared over her shoulder. Dani kept her breath steady as she pushed her hands underneath Jamie’s shirt, desperately seeking the warmth of Jamie’s skin. Light colorful swirls are pressed on Jamie’s lips, just an echo of what is permanently inked onto her neck. Dani wanted to see where she could make the colors appear on Jamie’s skin. She thought of taking a peak back towards the mirror to see where the swirls have lingered on her face, the heat lingering from Jamie’s fingers and hands pressed against her face and neck.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s perfect,” Jamie whispered and Dani sighed into her neck. Any semblance of thought of anything else left her mind as Jamie pressed her mouth against Dani’s. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dani knew she was inexperienced and her fingers didn’t quite know what they were doing, but Jamie paid no attention to that. She moved Dani’s hands where she wanted them to be. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was soft and full of check ins. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you sure?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We don’t have to do anything other than kiss.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You a’ight?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>All which made her love for Jamie grow and grow. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jamie’s hands were strong against her body, she felt safe in their grasp. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay?” Jamie asked and Dani nodded quickly. Jamie’s hands were underneath her sweater pushing it up so her hands were splayed on her stomach. Heat and lust fueled her movements. She had never felt </span>
  <em>
    <span>want </span>
  </em>
  <span>like this before. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Any time she had sex with Eddie was quick and to the point. He had tried to make it more enjoyable for her, but Dani thought she was broken. Nothing she talked about with her friends made sense. They had told her about how sex could be good and fun. It never felt fun. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It felt like a chore, one that left her with mild disgust. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But with Jamie?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She felt like a teenager who needed more. Heat came from the inside out, needing the cool of Jamie’s hands and mouth on her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even with her shortness of breath, it was like Dani could finally breathe again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Alive. She felt completely alive. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jamie’s mouth had moved down from Dani’s mouth to her jaw and she mewed into the contact. There were more moans and Dani finally realized that Jamie’s shirt was off. Her jaw went slack as she stared up to Jamie atop of her, sans shirt. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Wow.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She blushed before she could embarrass herself further with such comments. But Jamie only grinned down at her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, Poppins,” she whispered before kissing her squarely on the mouth again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Moments passed that felt like centuries and like time had continued without them. They were completely lost in the moment. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hands were everywhere and Dani helped tug off her own underwear with the help of Jamie’s fingers. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Was this how it was supposed to feel? Like she was burning from the inside out. She moaned wantonly as Jamie’s fingers brushed against her thighs. How would she survive having Jamie touch her </span>
  <em>
    <span>there</span>
  </em>
  <span>? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It turned out, she survived very well having Jamie’s fingers running across her slick flesh. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Colors danced across her eyes as she arched her back, needing more contact between the two of them. It wasn’t enough to just have Jamie’s hands on her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>More. She needed more. </span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>The next morning, Jamie is still asleep when she wakes up. Her bed doesn’t feel like her own anymore. She doesn’t want to sleep alone anymore. Peace had clouded over her during the night. It was like she slept fully for the first time, maybe ever. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She’s woken up more awake than she has before. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Normally, she’d get out of bed and into some sort of action, but she couldn’t help but stay in bed. Just for a little bit. Enough that she finally got a good sight of her own mark. It was on her forearm, where Jamie had grabbed her when Dani first kissed her. Pattern etched itself into her skin, but she felt no pain. It was like it had always been there. A mix of gold and white that was forever etched onto her. It was beautiful. Just like she had with Hannah’s, she ran her fingers across it, tried to find any semblance of a scar or skin difference. But there was none. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was real. They were real. Just as she had left her mark on Jamie, Jamie had left her mark on </span>
  <em>
    <span>her</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Smiles didn’t seem to be enough and she actually laughed softly to herself. The excitement of it all catching up to her. Last night had been wonderful but intense. This morning, it was fresh and she felt free. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>More free than she had ever felt before. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She ached with happiness-- feeling as if she was as light as a feather and could be sucked up into the universe forever. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>All the things she had been scared of weren’t happening. She wasn’t stuck to someone forever, there was a difference. It was so different than that. She’d be gladly by Jamie’s side for the rest of her life. Nothing felt like it had been taken from her. Instead, she felt like she had been given the greatest present of all: Jamie. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>After a few minutes of admiring her own skin, she looked over and remembered that Jamie was </span>
  <em>
    <span>naked</span>
  </em>
  <span> in her bed. A blush rose to her cheeks as she remembered everything that had happened last night in even clearer detail. The moments that had passed between the two of them. Moments she would never forget, she knew in her heart. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>In bed behind her, Dani got a different perspective of Jamie. She could see the muscles in her back and the way her shoulders moved as she took in deep breaths, still lost in slumber. The scar was what got her attention. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>A burn scar. Dani almost instinctively put her hand to the spot on her own back. Because that was real. She had felt when that happened. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her fingers ran across the raised skin. She had thought once that perhaps the mark would feel like this. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dani?” Jamie mumbled as Dani’s fingers staled on her skin. Normally, she would have pulled away and apologized. But this was different. Jamie hadn’t snatched her hand away, instead she had simply acknowledged her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I felt this,” she whispered, feeling her voice would be too loud for this moment. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>That gets Jamie to turn around.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“When you got burned, I felt it. I was ten.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jamie’s forehead crinkled as she looked away from Dani. “Sorry, I was..”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dani quickly shook her head. No, this wasn’t a time for shame or guilt. “No, don’t. I just imagined how much pain you had to be in when I learned what it was. I thought of you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Silence rang between the two of them as Jamie just stared at her. Dani’s hand can’t help but be drawn back to Jamie’s neck where the mark looked even more perfect.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You thought of me.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The words are thick with emotion and Dani found herself tearing up at the words herself. “Of course, I thought of you all the time.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Not everything can be expressed in words, so Dani didn’t mind when Jamie pulled her close into a kiss. </span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>The world slows again when she’s waist deep in the water calling out words she doesn’t understand. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once Jamie had left, everything had gone mad. Absolutely mad. Dani didn’t know if she could even truly explain what she had seen in the attic with the children. Ghosts of those dead, Miles being stolen from his body. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And she had tried to stop it all. Tried to keep the children safe, even though she was bound and gagged. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Heaviness had been in the house as she escaped with Flora. With Flora who just wanted her brother back and didn’t understand that things had been forever changed within the house. So she had run, dragging Flora and then once she turned, it was over. A strong hand had grabbed her throat and Dani’s body collapsed. She was dragged up the stairs, trying to keep conscious. Because she wasn’t done here. Not when Flora was alone and Miles was gone. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But it had been so easy to slip into blackness, a void of nothing as she barely felt her body being dragged across the hard floor. She tried in vain to think of anything to keep her alive, keep her breathing, but she couldn’t. Nothing gave way under the grasp of the woman. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then it was gone and Dani could breathe again. She gasped and took in big breaths of air that burned her throat. And vaguely she saw Flora being carried by the same woman and she cried out her name. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She had to get up. There was no other option. She had to get up and help Flora. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>So she moved through the hall and down the stairs as her body ached and screamed out in pain, but it didn’t matter. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Flora was the most important thing. She wouldn’t lose her too. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Flora who was not responding to her cries when Dani finally said the words she had heard in the attic. Every ounce of will going into the words. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s you,” she cried.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s me,” her heart broke.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s us.” It's the hardest word to come out and her body shakes under the weight of what she’s said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She stared at the faceless woman who seemed to be staring right back. And Flora’s awake again, so she took her in her arms. “It’s us.” The rattle of unknowing fear rattles around in her head. She can’t think of anything else, but that it’s them. She’s no longer singular. She’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>us </span>
  </em>
  <span>now. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dani didn’t know how long it was until Jamie was there and she can feel her presence before she sees her. Because everything seems blurred now in the chaos. It’s like she’s underwater herself, her ears clogged and her breathing heavy. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s us. It’s us. It’s us.” She rattled as she stared at Jamie. Her eyes flickering quickly back and forth between Jamie’s. Trying to find some semblance of calm in this storm. “It’s us.” And she’s crying it out now, trying to make it make sense. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shhh,” she can hear Jamie hush and see her mouth moving, but her eyes are drawn down to her soulmark, a mark that looks redder than before. She saw the mark and it’s like she can really breathe again. She’s not dead. And more importantly, Jamie was here. Jamie was here and she could breathe. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She can’t stop shivering and shaking as she’s helped out of the lake by Jamie. It’s Owen she leaned onto next as he helped them because Dani doesn’t think she can stand alone. “It’s us.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The words are all her brain can think about. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s us.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s us.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s us.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Just rattles off her brain and sometimes her tongue. Jamie’s arm was wrapped tight against her waist. She can distantly make out Owen ask about Hannah. But she couldn’t focus on that. All she could do was shake and stare at Jamie’s mark. </span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>They made their way upstairs eventually. Dani was still shaking and Jamie was there to be leaned on as they ascended the staircase. Her legs hurt from being dragged up the same less than an hour ago. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But it felt like longer. That was then, this was now. Her life had forever been altered. She knew this as she made the promise to the woman in the lake. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her entire life shifted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But staring at Jamie made it feel like it hasn’t. It’s the last semblance of reality she had left. It’s Jamie. Pure Jamie who was holding her closely. Dani’s entire body hurt and it made her shake harder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She doesn’t know if she has any tears to fall, her body is still in shock, she knew that much. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Somehow she ended up sitting on the bench at the end of her bed. She’s not quite sure she remembers walking into the room, but the bench is solid beneath her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s alright. You’re alright, Flora’s alright.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The word's meaning is lost on her in the moment. She can’t think of anything further than herself and the fog around her. She’s lost. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maybe it’s hours until she saw Jamie standing in front of her again. But she couldn’t look up. She didn’t know if her body remembered how to look up. All she could do was stare in front of her, lost in a fog. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dani,” Jamie said and she wanted to look, but she can’t. She’s stuck in the bog with no lifeboat in sight. Until Jamie knelt in front of her and she could breathe again. Finally there’s a light that she can see, a way back to the living. Her hand reached out on its own accord to rest against Jamie’s jaw, against the mark that she had put there. Feeling it, feeling </span>
  <em>
    <span>Jamie </span>
  </em>
  <span>pulls her back. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s us,” she whispered, but she meant something else. “It’s us.” She tried to speak again, but the words didn't come out of her mouth. It’s like someone else was talking for her now. Her eyes filled with tears as she tried to stay anchored to Jamie. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She could see Jamie attempt to hand her clothes to her, but her body couldn’t move again. Her arm had slumped back to her side, sliding off from Jamie’s face. “You need to get changed.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But she can’t. She couldn’t imagine the heaviness of her arms being able to lift up. So she just stared at Jamie, hoping that she understood, hoping that she could see her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you want help?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Relief flooded into her veins and she was able to nod. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jamie would help her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The movements that followed seem much harder than they should. She stood to help and let Jamie do the work of undressing her. Cold had worked its way down into her body. There’s no warmth, just cold. Except for when Jamie’s hands touched her and it’s like she could feel again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll be back,” Jamie told her. There is finally some heat that is going into her body underneath the blankets. She doesn’t feel as numb anymore. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Promise?” she asked because she needed to know. She needed to know that Jamie was returning. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jamie looked like she wanted to cry at her words alone, but she nodded quickly and relief flooded into Dani. “I promise.” Jamie reached towards her and pressed her lips against Dani’s forehead and it may be the first time she didn’t feel like she was drowning. The shaking had stopped under the warm blankets and under the care of Jamie. Her eyes closed under the pressure of the kiss, taking it all in and letting a semblance of rest pass over her body.</span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>Everything at Bly felt different in the after. There was less of a presence of the gravity that had compelled Dani into the house at the start of the summer. Now, it felt like an old house, peaceful and resting. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>With Henry staying, there had been no more need for her services. She knew Henry had been very polite about it and paid her handsomely for her trouble, but she wouldn’t lie and say there was a ping in her heart at not being around Miles and Flora anymore. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The small family that she had formed over the summer was sprinkled. She had barely seen Owen since that night, the night. The time she did see him, her heart broke for him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Because where the muted colors on his arm had once been, now it looked as if he had dipped his hand in an inkpot. No, it was darker than ink, it looked like there was just a piece of him carved out. She supposed that was what had happened after all. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hannah was dead. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her first friend at Bly was dead and she had cried for hours when she finally learned the truth. Jamie had just held her and Dani knew she had cried as well. Because Hannah had been part of Jamie’s life for years, not just the summer.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jamie had been a constant in the past few days. She was always there, doing whatever she could for Dani. Dani who felt a bit fragile already and had to tell Jamie to give her some room to breathe. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She wasn’t imposing in any way, but Dani had so much on her mind and things that she didn’t know if she could tell Jamie without sounding crazy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But Jamie had believed her already. Believed that she had truly made a deal with a faceless woman in the lake. She had believed her about Eddie. But this, telling her that she felt like she was being stalked by a beast in the jungle was hard and took up too much space in her mind. Even folding her clothes felt like a tremendous deal as she battled with the face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dani didn’t know what she did to deserve to have Jamie as her soulmate, but she would try to live up to it everytime. So she shared, let Jamie know what she was getting into. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soulmates didn’t have to stay together, there had been divorces and trauma that kept them apart. She’d give Jamie an out. Her Jamie who had already gone through so much in her life. She shouldn’t be saddled with this. Dani wouldn’t force it upon her or even ask her to share the burden.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But perfect, spectacular Jamie had offered. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She had reached out and offered to keep her company while she waited. And Dani had accepted. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jamie had never been to America, but she had been willing to go wherever Dani wanted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Being back in the States felt right in the moment, felt like it was far enough away from Bly to give them a chance. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>One day at a time</span>
  </em>
  <span> Jamie promised with a small smile on her face. It was enough for Dani to need to kiss her. Just a soft kiss, a thank you. “A road trip with you, Poppins, there isn’t anything else I’d rather be doing.”</span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>Time seemed to pass so quickly with the shop open. They had decided on opening up a shop only after a few months of being back in the states. Jamie had always dreamed about having her own flower shop and Dani was eager to oblige her in any way she could. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The countdown was still loud in her head, but for Jamie, she’d make the commitment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dani had been the one to take out the loan, enough to buy the shop and the apartment above it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>That was where they created their home. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Months passed and the beast in the jungle seemed to disappear, hiding from Dani’s worries. At least for a while there was peace. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Peace that consisted of long days working and small moments between the two of them. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>The Leafling</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It had been Dani’s idea what to name the shop. They had been discussing names when it came to her mind. The night where Jamie had used those words would forever be in her mind. She could remember it clearly, the want and the importance of the moment. She knew she’d remember it forever even if it wasn’t the night when they got their marks. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The name sounded like a new beginning. Something that was completely theirs. </span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>Jamie’s mark always seemed to be a subject of their customer’s questions. Some would complement it, others would just stare without a word. Sometimes people would be too nosy and Dani grew some sort of jealous under the pressure. Those days always ended up in the same way.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dani’s hand went to Jamie’s neck. Her hand splayed over almost entirely the soul mark. Her fingers pressed into the mark already knowing how it made Jamie arch into her. There was something completely satisfying and compelling that happened when your soulmate touched the mark. When Jamie touched hers, Dani always found herself mewing against the touch, needing to be pressed up against Jamie, needing to feel Jamie. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Without even a thought it seemed, Jamie leaned into the touch and turned her head to press a kiss into Dani’s palm. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jamie holds her so tenderly like she’s some precious object to her. It’s something that she loves more and more with each passing day. But this time, it’s her time to make Jamie feel precious, because it was exactly what she was. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Precious</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her fingers pressed against the mark again and she knew she wasn’t being fair as Jamie’s body arched forward, pressing their hips together. “Dani,” Jamie whined against her, her arm coming up to catch Dani’s in the spot of her soul mark. Dani arched at the contact, pushing them further together. “Our shops open.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The excuse didn’t seem to matter. All she had to do was go to the front of the store and close and lock up shop. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Poppins, we can’t seriously be taking all this, </span>
  <em>
    <span>oh</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” Jamie’s voice quickly stopped once Dani was back pressed against her, this time her kiss was pressed against Jamie’s soulmark. </span>
  <em>
    <span>“Oh</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” she trembled in Dani’s arms and how could Dani resist her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dani smiled against her jaw before she pulled away to tug Jamie back up the stairs in the back of the shop. They had a small desk and sofa for if Dani needed a break during the day. Today the couch would do just finely for what Dani planned doing. </span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>She tried to keep what she saw in the reflection secret from Jamie. Tried to save her of the same sense of dread. But it came out anyway. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jamie knew she was hiding something, Dani knew. Her eyes would always flicker between Dani’s two, practically begging to be let back in. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She hadn’t known what she did wrong to deserve Dani’s silence. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even when she tried to talk to her about it, Dani brushed her off. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jamie didn’t deserve to have this burden. This was something Dani would hold alone. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Until she couldn’t. Until she tried to take a bath and shrieked. Jamie had rushed into the bathroom and Dani had started to cry. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I thought-- I thought I saw her.” Dani finally admitted as she stared at the bath in front of her. It had just been a flash, but she saw it. “I did. I saw her.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A’ight, Dani, It’s alright.” Jamie hushed as she pulled Dani towards her into an embrace. “It’s been years. Years of peace.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And it had been. Years had gone by without an ounce of dread. Years that were filled with happiness and love. Love that filled Dani’s entire heart and more. Because even though they wore each other’s marks, they had worked to make this love work and last. They had been dedicated to one another and brought problems to the table to discuss. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Except for this. Dani hadn’t been fair and hadn’t shared the beast in the jungle returning. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jamie wasn’t mad at her for lying to her. Jamie didn’t yell or get upset, instead she set out on fixing the problem. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>(</span>
  <em>
    <span>But Dani knew this was something Jamie couldn’t fix.</span>
  </em>
  <span>) </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You haven’t been sleeping well,” Jamie commented, her hand pushed through Dani’s hair, holding her. She was safe in Jamie’s arms. She knew that much. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just, I keep seeing </span>
  <em>
    <span>her</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Okay, we can deal with it,” Jamie reassured. Moments passed just staying in an easy silence. Jamie had opened up her heart again, willing to share the burden. “Do you still want the bath?” she asked as she pulled back and ran her fingers through Dani’s hair, pushing it out of the way. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dani’s eyes fell to Jamie’s mark. Colors still danced on her skin. The most perfect flower there was etched into her skin. She would never get tired of seeing it. She loved it more than the mark on her own arm. The mark was something tangible, something she could see and lean into. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t, I don’t want to be alone,” she said with a quiver that shook through her voice. She didn’t want to be alone in something where she could see her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But she didn’t want to give up something she loved. There was something peaceful about soaking in warm water. It was something she had loved since she was young. She wasn’t prepared to give that up. Not yet. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll stay then.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Peace rushed through her at the words. Jamie would stay and she would be safe. Nothing could get her with Jamie by her side. Just like she had so many years ago, she let Jamie lead her. Jamie helped her take off the robe and helped Dani step into the water. Then Jamie sat by the tub, her back pressed against the wall. Without prompting she began to talk. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The Riley’s called again at the shop this afternoon. You’d like after months of going back and forth, it would have stopped before a bloody week before the wedding.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dani leaned back, letting her head rest against the edge of the tub and listened. There was peace. </span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>When they visited Owen in Paris, Dani finally built up the courage to ask him. It seemed too personal to ask on the phone. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you ready to go back to the hotel?” Jamie asked after they’ve finished eating and catching up. She knows they will see Owen again before they leave, but tonight, after seeing the lady in the reflection is the night where she needed to ask. She needed to know. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think I’ll stay with Owen for a bit longer if that’s alright?” Dani doesn’t want Jamie here for the conversation they’re about to have. It would be too hard if she was sitting here with her. She might not have the courage to ask with Jamie by her side. Because she knew what Jamie would say. She would try and fix it, but there was no fixing death. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You sure?” Jamie asked with a tilt of her head. Dani knew Jamie would be confused, but she needs to do this. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ll be right back at the hotel, promise.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Promises meant something with the two of them. They were vows they made to one another. Dani knew Jamie would never break a promise and she wouldn’t either. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Alright, Poppins,” Jamie spoke softly before she turned and pressed a kiss to Dani’s cheek. Dani wished to melt into the kiss and pull her into a proper one, but her entire energy was focused on the next conversation. She didn’t have anything to give right now. So she leaned into the embrace as she had it. Jamie always gave her strength. “See you at the hotel.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jamie left the restaurant and they sat in a quiet silence. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I need to ask you something.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Rather figured that bit out.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dani didn’t know how to put the words right. Because Owen didn’t know that she was being stalked in broad daylight. No one could see the beast that would kill her but her. “I just… I need to know what it feels like.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Owen just looked at her with confusion and damnit, she hadn’t phrased it right. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I need to know what it felt like when… when Hannah died.” The words are blunt against her tongue. Perhaps there was a better way to say it, but it had come out just the way she thought about it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why? Is everything alright?” Owen responded, his eyebrows scrunched together. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, I mean no. I just… I need to know what it feels like so I can know what Jamie will feel.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dani,” he reasoned.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Please Owen?” she practically begged, her eyes going to the black mark that still seemed so prominent on his skin. The mark that hadn’t lost the absolute darkness and hollowness. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>One day soon, Jamie’s mark would turn completely black and she’d wear her grief for all to see. She cursed herself in the past for touching her neck first. She cursed that she hadn’t grabbed her hand instead. Because Dani knew that Owen could cover up the mark and have people none the wiser. But Jamie, her perfect Jamie would have it to bare for the rest of her life. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dani wanted that life to be long and full, even when she was gone. She needed Jamie to live on and live well. But she couldn’t prepare her for it if she didn’t know. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Owen took the rest of the champagne down in one large gulp before he brought his gaze back up to Dani’s. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It felt like nothing. For the first time in my life, I felt nothing. There was no happiness, no light in the tunnel. I felt left alone in an expanse of black. Everywhere I would turn, blackness followed me. Nothing that made me feel alive anymore. Just numb to the entire thing. It was as if my heart didn’t exist anymore, to tell you the truth.Who was Owen Sharma without Hannah Grose.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The first months went by with that feeling. Life passed, but didn’t seem to matter. I forgot how to do anything but just be. Then one day, the hurt came. And I embraced it, because it was </span>
  <em>
    <span>something</span>
  </em>
  <span> different. And the hurt, it could have killed me. Could have swallowed me whole without you guys checking up on me and the kid’s calls. Couldn’t let them down, Hannah would have forbidden me from doing so.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It doesn’t get easier, even after all these years. I know how to live and breath and cook, but there’s a part of me that’s empty. Nothing will ever fill that spot. But now, a small part of me remembers her by looking into this mark.” His coat is lifted as he runs his finger over the mark. “It reminds me that she was here and good and mine. And I’m so lucky for that.”</span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>“You going to fill me in on that?” Jamie finally asked after they had settled into the hotel bed. She missed their bed at home. She missed the creek that happened when Jamie would turn to be gathered into Dani’s waiting arms. She missed their life. It was nice to go on vacation, but in the back of her mind the implication rang true: their </span>
  <em>
    <span>last</span>
  </em>
  <span> vacation. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The lights were off except for the dim light of the bathroom. Dani needed some source of light to sleep. Jamie had a hard time adjusting a few years ago when the fear of the dark came back strong. But she had adjusted and now could sleep with a dim light saturating parts of the room. Jamie chased away the rest of the shadows just by being in bed with her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It was nothing,” Dani lied, smoothing the blankets atop her legs before curling down into the sheets. Jamie still sat tall in the bed, staring down at her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Didn’t seem like nothing. Dani if there’s something wrong that I did--”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No! No, it’s not you.” Dani wanted to turn around, so she didn’t have to see Jamie in that moment. Because it hurt too much to see her and not tell her the truth. “You’ve done nothing wrong. It’s just…” Dani drifted off, her eyes shut painfully closed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dani.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I just needed to know what it felt like.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Felt like?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dani felt so very small in that moment, so she tugged on Jamie’s hand until she laid down next to her. She needed to be on the same level as her. Jamie was easily pulled down, her eyes still stared right at her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“When Hannah died, what it felt like.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, Dani, I don’t have any plans on dying anytime soon,” Jamie reached over and tucked a strand of hair back from Dani’s face. Dani wished she could leave it at that, but it wasn’t true and Jamie deserved the truth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, I wanted to know what it would feel like for </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” Jamie looked to be sitting back up, but Dani pulled her back down. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I wanted to know what it will be like for you when I’m gone.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She can’t quite say dead for some reason. She didn’t feel like she was going to die, just give in to the inevitable. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dani,” Jamie’s voice broke and Dani can’t help but pull her closer until they are wrapped up in each other’s arms. “Don’t say that.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dani knew that Jamie was crying, but this was important.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I want to make sure you’re okay.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I won’t be. I won’t be.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, you will. It won’t kill you. You won’t let it. Promise me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jamie didn’t respond to that. Because Dani doesn’t demand things from Jamie. Never. But she needed Jamie to know she meant it. She needed to know Jamie would live. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>All she got in response was another utterance of her name, but that won’t do. They pulled apart and Dani’s vision is filled with tears, but she knew that Jamie was still crying just by the way her body shook. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Promise me,” Dani asked again, her hand had drifted up until its pressed against the soul mark again. A mark that one day soon would bleed black. “Please Jamie,” she begged as her vision cleared a bit. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I promise,” it is soft and filled with tears but Dani could breathe again. Jamie promised. And Jamie didn’t break promises. “I love you.” The words are said with such impossible amounts of love and grief. This wasn’t goodbye, not yet she hoped. (</span>
  <em>
    <span>But she felt like it was.</span>
  </em>
  <span>)</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love you,” she replied as she pushed into the soulmark. Jamie’s eyes closed and Dani could see the streaks of tearing down her cheeks. Jamie’s hand wrapped itself around Dani’s forearm where the gold and white swirls were ultraviolet in the darkness. Dani shook at the contact, pressing them close enough that she could rest her forehead on Jamie’s. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It could have been years before either of them moved. Comfort came from just breathing in the same air of each other. The hurt didn’t go away, but love outweighed it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jamie was the first one to move and she pushed forwards to kiss Dani. A kiss could have made her cry more if she had any tears yet to fall. Instead Dani just threw herself into the kiss, mouth open and needy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It felt like falling in love again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Watching Jamie cry broke her heart, but the way she leaned over Dani and put her entire being into the kiss gave her life. It felt desperate and Dani couldn’t do anything but oblige her. She’d take all she could get of Jamie and give Jamie the same in return. </span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>By the time the lady in the lake was about to swallow her whole, Dani had already noticed the signs. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jamie’s mark had faded. Dani’s eyes were always drawn to the splash of color on Jamie’s jaw. Her eyes would automatically be drawn down, staring at the thing that showed it was </span>
  <em>
    <span>her, </span>
  </em>
  <span>she was Jamie’s soulmate. She knew that’s why Jamie’s eyes were drawn down to the mark around her arm. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ten years later and it was still utterly amazing to Dani how lucky she was. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>How incredibly lucky she was that she was Jamie’s and Jamie was hers. It was that simple in the long run. Even without the soul mark, she would have been tied with Jamie for the rest of her life. Mark or not, she would be Jamie’s. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dani’s got to the point where her memories didn’t even feel like her own the majority of the time. Fog floated through her memories and moments. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It makes sense to her that the mark on Jamie’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>beautiful </span>
  </em>
  <span>face was diluted. The once vibrant colors seem to be like everything else inside of Dani. Faded and muted. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh baby, don’t look,” Jamie found her just staring into a reflection. Was she just her now? Dani couldn’t remember if she was the one moving when Jamie pulled her away from the mirror and into her arms. Diluted comfort came as Jamie’s arms wrapped around her. Jamie squeezed so tightly that Dani wondered if there were now swirls of colors around her back and chest. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dani didn’t notice that her own mark had changed at all. It was still vibrant and felt that way. In the most trying times, she could press into her mark and </span>
  <em>
    <span>feel</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Oh how good it felt to actually feel instead of walking around like nothing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s just… it’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>her</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” Dani can’t explain tonight. She can’t explain how her mind has faded like the colors on Jamie’s neck. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, no,” Jamie argued, and Dani felt the lightest kiss pressed against her head. Everything was so light nowadays. “You’re you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dani wished to believe her. She wished that this was her, but it wasn’t really. If this was her, she would be grabbing Jamie back as hard. She wouldn’t be staring into a mirror trying to differentiate her versus the faceless entity trailing behind her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jamie has always fixed things. Dani can’t remember anything she’s asked Jamie to do that she hadn’t done. She can’t remember anything that needed fixing that Jamie couldn’t, until now. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Even with Jamie’s hardest efforts, she’s unfixable. The beast wasn’t waiting in the jungle anymore. It had Dani in it’s paws and was waiting to devour her whole. It was just a waiting game now. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jamie,” Dani finally settled on. She doesn’t say her name enough, she thought in the moment. Dani loved the way it fell out of her lips. There’s little comfort in the way that Jamie holds her close. She’s just numb. “I don’t… I don’t want to feel like this anymore.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, no. You don't give up on me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>How could she give up when the game was already over? The beast had already caught her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dani didn’t respond, instead she just wrapped her arms around Jamie and breathed her in. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Look at me,” Jamie urged as she pulled back from the embrace enough to press a hand to Dani’s face. Dani leaned into the touch, her eyes still closed. With Jamie there was some peace. The beast waited. “Look.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So Dani looked. She looked and saw the swirl of color on Jamie’s neck. “You’re still here,” Jamie said as she pulled Dani’s own hand up to her face. She brought Dani’s hand up to where the mark started on her neck. “You’re still here.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Repeating the message etched it into her brain for the time being. She was still here. Her fingers brushed against Jamie’s jaw and Jamie shuttered against her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But she was so tired. So incredibly tired. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She takes the muted comfort that comes with Jamie around her and is led to bed. Jamie persuaded her to try and watch some TV, but her mind is so loud. She feels underwater even as she sits on their bed. Everything around her doesn’t feel real anymore. Just a figment of her dreams. </span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>When she finally gets to Bly, everything seems like it has been put forward perfectly. There’s nobody on the property and she wandered around before meeting her fate. Someone else was taking care of the grounds now. It looked nice, but it wasn’t anything like Jamie’s work. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Slowly she makes her way to the lake. She felt underwater before even stepping a foot into it. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Smelly old thing</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dani doesn’t remember much about this lake anymore. It’s been ten good years; ten years filled with happiness and love.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As she walked into the lake, everything seemed to stop. She could barely feel the water rising up around her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She was fully submerged when her first thoughts of stopping this all happened. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>No</span>
  </em>
  <span>, she wouldn’t put Jamie in danger. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>So she let herself be taken down into the lake. The faceless beast had been waiting for her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She answered her call. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The water barely burned her lungs as she tried to take a breath in. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then there was peace. Her eyes shut and peace surrounded her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And only one thought remained:</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jamie.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jamie.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jamie. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>thank you for finishing this work! comments are always appreciated and make my day. &lt;3 if you liked it, please let me know. i may be persuaded into making a jamie version of this.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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